Top Expenses Of A Divorce

YOU NEED LAWYERS
There are all kinds of expenses that accompany a divorce, but surely the most egregious of them are lawyers and legal fees. By now, you have probably secured a lawyer and dropped a tidy wad of dough on their services. You should be aware that lawyers have a keen sense of knowing just how much money you have and they will think nothing of withdrawing from representing you as soon as they think they have bled you dry. It’s not fair but it’s how it works in the real world.

If you came into the business of divorce either unwillingly or unwittingly, there may be a period where you were trying to discover what was really going on in your marriage and that may have involved a private investigator. Private investigations can be extremely illuminating but they are not without cost. Even measures you can implement on your own can ring up some real expenses.

MEDIATION
Mediation can be a good thing particularly if it works to your benefit. You should not enter into mediation without a vision of what you expect to get out of it and that includes setting some goals ahead of time. Mediation is not without expense and you will discover that the hourly rate can be breathtaking, but the potential to save trouble down the line may maks it all worthwhile.

DIVISION OF PROPERTY
Some things do not lend to being divided in half and under such circumstances somebody wins and somebody loses. Having to sell your possessions by order of a judge most often means you are not going to get the value out of them you might expect. You will need to allocate some time to getting it all sorted out and if you need to advertise the sale of the property, you will need to budget that as well. Should you need to sell a house or a car, there will likely be commissions you will need to pay realtors and car brokers.

DISPLACEMENT OF DOMICILE
Chances are that one of you has been kicked out of the house and it’s probably you! You’re going to need a place to live as you transition back to the single life. It’s likely an unexpected but very real drain on your monthly outlay. Other monthly payments still need to be made and those include utilities, possibly on two places. Things like car payments, insurance premiums along with other bills will be ever present.

PSYCHOLOGICAL COUNSELING
It may not be the first thing on your mind but it may be to your advantage to get some pointers on the coping skills you will need to bring to bear to get through these bad times. A divorce can be a very life altering experience on par with someone having died, and you shouldn’t have to face it on your own without some professional advice.

Making The Most Of A New Life

Like it or not, for better or for worse, your life has changed. It may not of been of your choosing or perhaps it was but one thing’s for sure, your future is about to change. There is no reason this has to be a bad thing. In fact, it can be a great thing! A clean slate, a fresh start! You’re going to be able to meet new people and explore new ideas. Almost always, divorces create economic strife. The legal fees, the court imposed settlements, they all tend to drain bank accounts. You’re going to need to concentrate harder than ever to rallying your business activities and up your game in the earnings department if you’re going to get through it.

CAN I SUPPLEMENT MY INCOME?
There are plenty of new opportunities for you to consider when it comes to supplementing your income. Some of them can also be fun and you are going to have some extra time to explore them. Fine tuning your social media skills is one point of departure that can conceivably help both your personal life and your business visibility. You can start by looking at what others have done in these forums. Think about how you’d like to be described in your profile. Think about all the things that are important to you and consider elaborating on them.

COMMUNITY ACTIVITIES
Almost every week, there are activities that take place in your community that you may have never considered participating in. They’re generally found listed in the local paper and on the various regional Internet billboards like Craigslist. You may have had a hobby before your marriage that got put on hold when you became married. It might be time to revisit that hobby that provided you with joy in the past and can do so again. It is quite remarkable just how technology has advanced so rapidly in the last few years. If you haven’t been staying right on top of it, you may discover some very exciting things that are worthy of your exploration.

DATING AGAIN!
Because you’re not encumbered with a wife anymore, you are allowed to start dating again. Depending on your particular circumstances, that can be a very consuming activity. Needless to say, making a rapid commitment right away is probably not a good idea. You should never be in a hurry to potentially make a mistake. If you’ve never kept a diary before, it may be a good time to start. Part of the reason is that it will help you keep the passage of time recorded and that will further help you keep things in perspective as the days, weeks and months pass. Keeping an account of your activities and describing their meaning to you can really help you sort things out when the time comes for you to reflect on your progress at this special time in your life. Whenever possible, you should make an effort to create a savings account and start putting away as much money as you can afford. Even a small amount is better than nothing! You are now responsible for yourself and you have to take good care if you are going to get through this time in good shape.

Investments To Rethink Now That I’m Single

The first consideration when it comes to your investments is generally the realization that suddenly you only have half of your wealth left. When you get such a dramatic reduction of wealth, you may not be able to keep it in the same places. Under all circumstances, you are going to want to keep yourself diversified. If you enter into your divorce with a substantial portfolio, you will want to seek professional investment advice from an estate planner who can guide you as to where to keep the money. More often than not, the pressures of a divorce seriously drain away any substantial wealth and the victim here is your bank account. You are going to need to rethink everything and adapt like you are starting all over again!

MY INCOME AND INVESTING
Your employment status will dictate the best way to go about your investment strategy. It’s hard to get by now a days with an income less than $50K. You may have obligations for alimony or child support to calculate into your budget. At the moment, there are rumors abounding about a looming, global economic slump. Indicators like China selling off investments and the price of oil bottoming out are indicators. The stock market has been off it’s great highs of 2015 ever since 2016 began. There’s a pretty good chance you are going to see it go down even further in the near future. That is always a good time to buy.

Fifty years ago, many stocks would pay dividends, usually quarterly and a person properly invested in stocks could live off the income generated by such dividends. Wall Street has changed over the years and you now have to hunt to find a stock that pays out dividends. Before the global price of oil went into the toilet, we had a burgeoning domestic oil industry threatening to make us energy independent from the Arabian oil barons.

When global oil goes down to $30 a barrel, it makes domestic production unprofitable. Oil barons in Saudi Arabia and other far flung places know this so they drop their selling prices and put the Americans out of business. They’ve done this again and again, historically. It makes investing in U.S. oil production a disaster and these are the very same types of industrial investments that paid out great dividends just fifty years ago!

WHAT SECTORS SHOULD I LOOK TO?
How about big pharma? You can hardly turn on the TV without seeing an ad for some prescription medicine or an ad from a lawyer suing them. Is the pharmaceutical sector a good place to put your money? You should do your homework and find the list of pharmaceutical stocks that pay reasonable dividends. Take a look at their track record and make sure they’re not involved in a class-action law suit for any reason. Look at their long-term vitality then purchase a modest amount of that stock. Remember, you want to buy on a day when the market is suppressed! After less than a year, you will see how much better return you get with your money this way as opposed to most other strategies!

Holiday Tips For Divorced Families

Perhaps you are new to divorce and aren’t sure how you might be expected to get through the holidays. There are all kinds of different family scenarios that can play out. In general, the length of time you were in a relationship with your now ex-spouse has plenty to do with how badly these holiday times can play out for you. If there are children in the mix, it makes for an even greater potential heartbreak.

BEING BROKE
There’s a good chance you exhausted all your money on lawyers and got a less than desirable result. There is a playbook that lawyers typically employ on the husband in a divorce with children. It starts by insinuating a scenario that there is domestic violence. This allows for a protection order to be granted. This is a pretty good holiday wrecker in and of itself, particularly if you end up receiving supervised visitation. Protection orders can include very strict no contact provisions where you are unable to communicate with your children. Such restrictions may also stipulate against using a third party such as a friend to help get messages through. It’s not good but you will need to handle things through your lawyer who, in their capacity as an officer of the court has more power in this situation than you do. You are going to need to maintain your business relationships and earn as much money as you can to keep your legal representatives retained. While there are organizations that offer support and reduced price legal help, they are not everywhere and unfortunately you are now in a situation you will be dealing with legally for the rest of your life.

SEPARATION ANXIETY
Separation from what you may had considered to be a lifetime of future holiday celebrations is gut wrenching. It’s easy to drown your sorrows in vices like drinking and worse but you should absolutely avoid such temptations. The reality of the matter is you have to try even harder than ever to get yourself back on track. The world has shifted about you and now you need to re-adjust your footing. You are now presented with an opportunity. You can reshape, remold your entire life and this time, you are going to do everything you can to bullet proof yourself against any missteps.

REMEMBERING LIFE BEFORE YOU WERE MARRIED
After all, you already had family values taught to you from your own childhood. There is no reason to abandon them. If, due to a divorce, you are disassociated from your family during the holidays, there are still positive measures you can take to edify the spirit of those holidays. A time honored way to celebrate holidays is with greeting cards. There is no reason you can’t find or create a nice greeting card and share it with your friends and loved one’s. It is a fairly inexpensive way to help reinforce your relationships. When there are protection orders in place, you will need to have your attorney advise you and possibly forward your communications through the proper channels.

STEPPING INTO THE FUTURE
Blogging is a popular new way to make your thoughts known. You may not be able to spend the holidays directly with your now ex family but you can write about your thoughts and provide them with well wishes online in a place they can access. This includes the possibility of v-blogs or video messages you can record and upload. Providing the Internet doesn’t collapse, these messages can serve to preserve your well wishes each and every holiday, birthday and other ceremonial dates for years to come!

Do Singles Need Life Insurance?

Life insurance comes in all kinds of flavors. Some of them are perfect for when you’re married and have children. They can be had for a variety of price points and serve to protect your family from a sudden and unexpected death. Divorce changes things. Now, you are going to have to look at a life insurance policy in a different way. It needs to be considered for it’s value as an instrument of investment.

Taking Care of Your Children
The cheap life insurance is something you pay for and get virtually nothing out of it unless you die, then, you don’t really get anything personally out of that, do you? The beneficiaries on your policy are the significant consideration here, and if it is your children it can be a very worthwhile consideration. You may have had an ugly, contested divorce and hate your ex, but you  love your children and don’t want to take it out on them. Making them the beneficiaries of a life insurance policy on you would be a real plus here because it will reinforce them knowing that you care about them.

As An Investment Strategy
The notion that using life insurance as an investment strategy would be specious. The life insurance company has to make some money off of it and that starts with big commission they pay to the agent who sells you the policy! Thus, if you don’t have children or anyone else to consider, you might want to take the monies you might otherwise spend on life insurance premiums, and put it into a different investment strategy. Keep in mind that you are seeking to grow your money in a secure fashion that is going to build up an account that would be competitive with what you might accrue with a whole life insurance policy.

That could mean investing in the stock market . . . which has been a roller coaster ride in the past few years. It could be hedging your bet by having some precious metals in your portfolio but beware! If you keep them on hand they can be stolen. If you bank them with the metal exchange they can go out of business and you lose it all.

Finally, there are forms of life insurance that lie outside the normal types, they more closely resemble the form factor of an annuity. These can consist of a one-time payment that buys you a big payout (or at least your beneficiaries) when you pass away. Considering how much cash you have on hand, this could be a good way to protect your loved ones and get back to work making money. By now, you know you’re going to need plenty of it!

The Success of My Marriage

Anyone who has ever married knows the importance of financial stability. I agree that love surpasses all factors, but finances play an important role in a relationship. A lot of people neglect this issue only to realize that they should have discussed it early even before deciding to settle. It is true that the future is uncertain, but that is not a license to live a life that is free falling. Below are a few things that have helped my partner and I be stable financially from the time we decided to get into marriage.

Giving should be a priority
This is often ignored but it is the best way to keep rule over money. A lot of people think that the more you keep and hoard things the richer you become. The principle of life is, you reap what you give. We learned this in our marriage early enough after observing what a few rich people did.

We realized that among their priorities is giving, not just giving people jobs, but donating to charity organizations, sponsoring orphans and so on. We started by giving to our local church, and then we moved to the nearby orphanage. The most pleasant part is that the more we have been giving, the more opportunities to make money we have come across.

Spending should be managed well
In as much as we are givers, this does not mean that we spend carelessly. We are all aware of budgeting and planning, this is a means by which we have come to realize how to spend and be accountable for what we spend. The problem of having money without a plan is that it can be placed anywhere. This is a dangerous position to find yourself in with money. A plan for my finances tells us where we are heading in terms of spending our money.

I prefer spending time with my partner planning, sometimes even for hours depending on the project, than to spend time accusing each other of spending badly. A pen and paper budget still works great; technology has brought us software that has helped us plan our finances. We do not  have an excuse to be bad spenders.

Alternative source of income should be looked into
If the first two principles are handled right, it becomes easier to invest. Financial stability in marriage is not just about giving and spending. When we spent well the extra penny that remained, we saved and soon enough it was clear for us that we needed to invest.

When the kids came, more responsibilities arose and had we not invested wisely, we would be struggling to meet the very basic things our kids need. Do not get me wrong, we do treat ourselves from time to time, but we ensure that our investment ambitions continue. A wise investment plan has given us some space in our budget.

Saving for emergencies should be upheld
Taking insurance is not a bad idea since we never know when sickness will come. Besides, whenever we budget, we ensure that a certain percentage of our monthly income goes to special savings for emergencies such as accidents and funerals. We decided way back that we will avoid being caught off guard by circumstances. Set some money aside for any unplanned thing that may happen to you.
Being good stewards of finances is a thing that we are still learning and there are many other ways of ensuring stability. The earlier you start the better, do not wait for the perfect time because money will never get you there. Learn to manage the little you have, as this is a principle we have applied in our marriage and it has worked pretty well.

How The Downfall Started

Anyone who has ever been in a relationship has experienced the fact that there will come times when things will be on the rocks, and marriage is not exceptional. After the honeymoon things change as the two who became one now start making decisions as one. If one makes a decision, it affects the other and sometimes the results are good, sometimes they are bad, and the worst case is a divorce. To some, this seems like a good option when things are not working, but to me, it was the worst experience of my life. After analysis of the time we were together with my wife, these are some of the marriage killers I learned.

Lack of intimacy
Among the ingredients of a marriage is love, passion and trust, but for all these to make sense, a couple must strive to be intimate. Intimacy is all about total connection: spiritually, emotionally and mentally. In the early days of our marriage, it looked like we were intimate; we could do things together; there were things I knew she would like even without asking her. The place where this began to fall apart is when we both got more responsibilities at work. This meant we had little time together and most of the time, we were too tired to stay awake. We took higher paying jobs at the expense of our intimacy.

Finding satisfaction elsewhere
Initially, when we started spending time away from each other, we would find ways of making up for this. We would make use of free weekends and so on. But after a while, we started skipping these important dates and things went south. The worst part is that, we got so accustomed to this that we stopped missing each other.

The phone calls became fewer and the love messages dwindled. On my side, this opened my eyes to start seeing others in the office. My weakness for other women was exposed and I gave in. Even though I did it secretly, the results were obvious. I no longer desired sex with my wife as I could get it somewhere else. This worsened our relationship and before I knew it, I started suspecting her for cheating, I guess it is true what they say, guilt breeds suspicion.

Loss of interest
Marriage should be approached as a life time thing, but even with such knowledge, a lot of marriages fail due to temporal reasons such as when a spouse gains weight, falls sick or loses their job. People who marry for money, beauty and other things that do not guarantee sustenance are usually the first to fall off the tree of marriage. Such couples end up cheating on each other in the end.

Life is dynamic and people change; the slim figure you married today will become a round shape tomorrow, hence be prepared for that if you do not want to end up in a divorce. The longer my wife stayed at work, the less time she spent at the gym. This affected her physical appearance. Stress at work made her turn to eating for relief, and that is how she grew bigger. I lost my interest in her.

When a marriage is still in the honeymoon stage, couples tend to appreciate each other for the lamest of reasons. But as couples grow old, they become familiar with each other and forget the things that made their marriage rosy. Ours did not need to take long as we neglected our own duties in the house and when we did things for each other, none of us said thank you. Occasionally we would fight over this. These little things changed the purpose of our marriage and it was the beginning of the end.

What I Learned From My Failed Marriage

When a beautiful rose stops giving scent, it becomes subject to being trampled upon and crushed under the feet. That is exactly what a failed marriage is. Marriage is designed to bring two different people under one roof for great moments for a lifetime, but this is not the case, as a good number have ended in a divorce. And, mine was not exceptional. From our honeymoon, we were the love birds that no one could separate, but a time came when we did not want to even look at each other. Though my marriage failed, it was not all lost as I gathered a few lessons to go on with in life.

Sexual intimacy should not be compromised
The truth is, on my side, I needed sex regularly and on a higher frequency than my spouse preferred. This prompted me to go out there and look for alternative ways of satisfaction. Soon enough, I ended up starting to stay out longer than I should, and this did not go well with my spouse. This prompted her to stalk me until she caught me having an affair.

Our relationship never recovered to what it used to be. The fact is our marriage broke up due to lack of sexual intimacy. We could have talked about it, but we both thought preferring it in different ways was ok. I learned that issues to deal with sexual intimacy should be sorted out as early as possible to avoid disaster in the future.

Even if this did not happen early in our marriage, we would still have had problems because the older we grow, the less sex we desire, especially for women. So, if this is not handled early enough, it will be the dividing factor in the marriage.

Know the other person
Emotions can be very deceptive and that is why I always advice against making decisions emotionally. In the early stages of the marriage, you will be drawn to each other due to chemical reactions that the body produces. This should not be the reason why you get into a marriage.

I did not take time to study things and learn my spouse enough, and this manifested after we had gotten married. Take time and know the other person; know what they like and they do not like as well as their family, among other things. Get to know the person you are meant to spend the rest of your life with very well.

Know yourself first
The worst thing I did was that I took time to learn my spouse (which I also did not do well), yet I did not know myself. I got married at 21 without knowing clearly who I was at that time. I was clouded by the idea of marriage so much that I forgot to know the things that really mattered to me. I advise against making decisions without knowing what you are offering. I should have taken time and known what exactly I was offering my wife at that time.

How I Got Through My Divorce

Without fear of contradiction, I would openly say that divorce is painful, it does not matter whether it was necessary or not. It does not matter which one wanted it; it affects both parties. If not well taken care of, people have committed suicide due to the same. After my divorce, things got hard for me, but I am glad I took a few steps that brought me back to my feet. These are steps I would gladly recommend to anyone who is undergoing divorce despite people’s circumstances being different.

Sharing my story
I must admit that the first few times I told my story, it sounded to me like it was someone else’s and not mine. I was still in a state of shock and disbelief. But the more I told it, the more I accepted it, and the more I realized that I was not alone in this, as many times I met people who had gone through the same. What I had initially feared would turn into a gossip session, turned into a healing session. Some people would advise me against doing so, because I was giving my ex more power over me, but eventually I realized that the more I shared, the more I gained strength to go on with life.

Support groups
I was against this at first, but I gave it a try and it worked well for me. I found an online help group for people who were undergoing divorce. Being with such people gave me confidence and strength to move on. Hearing and reading the testimonies of others helped me know that there are some who have battled this course and came out alive. I got a place I could share my feelings; I could vent about what happened, but at the end, I could get advice as well.

Family and friends
Most people tend to close themselves away from family and friends during hard times, but in times like these, I have learned to be vulnerable to the people that love me. Of course, not all will be there for me, but in most cases, I have had someone to lean on when I needed one during the desperate moments.

Before inviting friends and family, I locked myself in my house for days crying my eyes out. But I am grateful for the fact that one day I picked up the phone and called a few people who turned out to be very supportive.

The Struggles of Dating In This Decade

Every generation has its struggles when it comes to dating and relationships. In the past, things like cheating were a big issue and that could cause division among lovers. Cheating may still be an issue now, but there seems to be more struggles with this generation than the generations before. People work longer, yet also study at the same time. Such things are making dating harder for people living in the current world. Here are a few insights I have learned over the past few years regarding the struggles of dating.

A lot on the plate
The previous generations were not as money oriented as this one. The current generation seems to have more to do, meaning more to balance. Our nature to want more makes us always choose more from the options we are provided with. We are dreaming big to leave a legacy behind and be counted as heroes and legends.

While the other generations were not so soaked in being rich and famous, this seems to be the way in our day and time. When relationships come, they demand time and commitment, which becomes a problem for our careers and ambitions as it will mean we spend less time chasing our dreams. The hardest part is, in the past it was mainly the men chasing dreams, but in this generation, both are.

Sex has taken center stage
The famous one-night stand concept has become more rampant in this generation than in any other. The common trend is that, in dating there has to be sex. Sex has become the whole point of dating and people are no longer interested in long lasting relationships. I will date as long as I get sexual satisfactions, if I cannot get it, I move on to the next relationship. This is a trend that is even carried into marriage. This fact has bred another problem where people fear relationships just because they do not know if the other person will stay faithful.

People are dating, but there is no real commitment in it. Diseases are being spread rampantly as people get into relationships without taking time to know if the other party is clean. As long as there is sex, there is little care in the world. The truth is condoms and other preventive measure have failed, yet people still take the risk just to have sex.

The etiquette of dating is lost
The previous generations had it great; go for a walk, buy her flowers, take her back home and that is it. This current generation seems to have lost the value of things such as flowers and chocolate. The girl I am dating seems to like flowers, but in this generation, when was the last time I saw someone carry flowers to a lady?

The thrill of going for a movie or something of the sort is lost as a woman is taken on such a date even before she enters the teenage years. When I come along, she requires me to take her to the moon. Dating seems to be more of a mind-minded affair and sex oriented than nurturing a relationship. For someone divorced and broke like me, I find it difficult to engage in dating because I may not have the finances. Surely, today’s dating experiences seem to have lost direction and juice when compared to previous generations.