Top Expenses Of A Divorce

There are all kinds of expenses that accompany a divorce, but surely the most egregious of them are lawyers and legal fees. By now, you have probably secured a lawyer and dropped a tidy wad of dough on their services. You should be aware that lawyers have a keen sense of knowing just how much money you have and they will think nothing of withdrawing from representing you as soon as they think they have bled you dry. It’s not fair but it’s how it works in the real world.

If you came into the business of divorce either unwillingly or unwittingly, there may be a period where you were trying to discover what was really going on in your marriage and that may have involved a private investigator. Private investigations can be extremely illuminating but they are not without cost. Even measures you can implement on your own can ring up some real expenses.

Mediation can be a good thing particularly if it works to your benefit. You should not enter into mediation without a vision of what you expect to get out of it and that includes setting some goals ahead of time. Mediation is not without expense and you will discover that the hourly rate can be breathtaking, but the potential to save trouble down the line may maks it all worthwhile.

Some things do not lend to being divided in half and under such circumstances somebody wins and somebody loses. Having to sell your possessions by order of a judge most often means you are not going to get the value out of them you might expect. You will need to allocate some time to getting it all sorted out and if you need to advertise the sale of the property, you will need to budget that as well. Should you need to sell a house or a car, there will likely be commissions you will need to pay realtors and car brokers.

Chances are that one of you has been kicked out of the house and it’s probably you! You’re going to need a place to live as you transition back to the single life. It’s likely an unexpected but very real drain on your monthly outlay. Other monthly payments still need to be made and those include utilities, possibly on two places. Things like car payments, insurance premiums along with other bills will be ever present.

It may not be the first thing on your mind but it may be to your advantage to get some pointers on the coping skills you will need to bring to bear to get through these bad times. A divorce can be a very life altering experience on par with someone having died, and you shouldn’t have to face it on your own without some professional advice.

Holiday Tips For Divorced Families

Perhaps you are new to divorce and aren’t sure how you might be expected to get through the holidays. There are all kinds of different family scenarios that can play out. In general, the length of time you were in a relationship with your now ex-spouse has plenty to do with how badly these holiday times can play out for you. If there are children in the mix, it makes for an even greater potential heartbreak.

There’s a good chance you exhausted all your money on lawyers and got a less than desirable result. There is a playbook that lawyers typically employ on the husband in a divorce with children. It starts by insinuating a scenario that there is domestic violence. This allows for a protection order to be granted. This is a pretty good holiday wrecker in and of itself, particularly if you end up receiving supervised visitation. Protection orders can include very strict no contact provisions where you are unable to communicate with your children. Such restrictions may also stipulate against using a third party such as a friend to help get messages through. It’s not good but you will need to handle things through your lawyer who, in their capacity as an officer of the court has more power in this situation than you do. You are going to need to maintain your business relationships and earn as much money as you can to keep your legal representatives retained. While there are organizations that offer support and reduced price legal help, they are not everywhere and unfortunately you are now in a situation you will be dealing with legally for the rest of your life.

Separation from what you may had considered to be a lifetime of future holiday celebrations is gut wrenching. It’s easy to drown your sorrows in vices like drinking and worse but you should absolutely avoid such temptations. The reality of the matter is you have to try even harder than ever to get yourself back on track. The world has shifted about you and now you need to re-adjust your footing. You are now presented with an opportunity. You can reshape, remold your entire life and this time, you are going to do everything you can to bullet proof yourself against any missteps.

After all, you already had family values taught to you from your own childhood. There is no reason to abandon them. If, due to a divorce, you are disassociated from your family during the holidays, there are still positive measures you can take to edify the spirit of those holidays. A time honored way to celebrate holidays is with greeting cards. There is no reason you can’t find or create a nice greeting card and share it with your friends and loved one’s. It is a fairly inexpensive way to help reinforce your relationships. When there are protection orders in place, you will need to have your attorney advise you and possibly forward your communications through the proper channels.

Blogging is a popular new way to make your thoughts known. You may not be able to spend the holidays directly with your now ex family but you can write about your thoughts and provide them with well wishes online in a place they can access. This includes the possibility of v-blogs or video messages you can record and upload. Providing the Internet doesn’t collapse, these messages can serve to preserve your well wishes each and every holiday, birthday and other ceremonial dates for years to come!

How The Downfall Started

Anyone who has ever been in a relationship has experienced the fact that there will come times when things will be on the rocks, and marriage is not exceptional. After the honeymoon things change as the two who became one now start making decisions as one. If one makes a decision, it affects the other and sometimes the results are good, sometimes they are bad, and the worst case is a divorce. To some, this seems like a good option when things are not working, but to me, it was the worst experience of my life. After analysis of the time we were together with my wife, these are some of the marriage killers I learned.

Lack of intimacy
Among the ingredients of a marriage is love, passion and trust, but for all these to make sense, a couple must strive to be intimate. Intimacy is all about total connection: spiritually, emotionally and mentally. In the early days of our marriage, it looked like we were intimate; we could do things together; there were things I knew she would like even without asking her. The place where this began to fall apart is when we both got more responsibilities at work. This meant we had little time together and most of the time, we were too tired to stay awake. We took higher paying jobs at the expense of our intimacy.

Finding satisfaction elsewhere
Initially, when we started spending time away from each other, we would find ways of making up for this. We would make use of free weekends and so on. But after a while, we started skipping these important dates and things went south. The worst part is that, we got so accustomed to this that we stopped missing each other.

The phone calls became fewer and the love messages dwindled. On my side, this opened my eyes to start seeing others in the office. My weakness for other women was exposed and I gave in. Even though I did it secretly, the results were obvious. I no longer desired sex with my wife as I could get it somewhere else. This worsened our relationship and before I knew it, I started suspecting her for cheating, I guess it is true what they say, guilt breeds suspicion.

Loss of interest
Marriage should be approached as a life time thing, but even with such knowledge, a lot of marriages fail due to temporal reasons such as when a spouse gains weight, falls sick or loses their job. People who marry for money, beauty and other things that do not guarantee sustenance are usually the first to fall off the tree of marriage. Such couples end up cheating on each other in the end.

Life is dynamic and people change; the slim figure you married today will become a round shape tomorrow, hence be prepared for that if you do not want to end up in a divorce. The longer my wife stayed at work, the less time she spent at the gym. This affected her physical appearance. Stress at work made her turn to eating for relief, and that is how she grew bigger. I lost my interest in her.

When a marriage is still in the honeymoon stage, couples tend to appreciate each other for the lamest of reasons. But as couples grow old, they become familiar with each other and forget the things that made their marriage rosy. Ours did not need to take long as we neglected our own duties in the house and when we did things for each other, none of us said thank you. Occasionally we would fight over this. These little things changed the purpose of our marriage and it was the beginning of the end.

How I Got Through My Divorce

Without fear of contradiction, I would openly say that divorce is painful, it does not matter whether it was necessary or not. It does not matter which one wanted it; it affects both parties. If not well taken care of, people have committed suicide due to the same. After my divorce, things got hard for me, but I am glad I took a few steps that brought me back to my feet. These are steps I would gladly recommend to anyone who is undergoing divorce despite people’s circumstances being different.

Sharing my story
I must admit that the first few times I told my story, it sounded to me like it was someone else’s and not mine. I was still in a state of shock and disbelief. But the more I told it, the more I accepted it, and the more I realized that I was not alone in this, as many times I met people who had gone through the same. What I had initially feared would turn into a gossip session, turned into a healing session. Some people would advise me against doing so, because I was giving my ex more power over me, but eventually I realized that the more I shared, the more I gained strength to go on with life.

Support groups
I was against this at first, but I gave it a try and it worked well for me. I found an online help group for people who were undergoing divorce. Being with such people gave me confidence and strength to move on. Hearing and reading the testimonies of others helped me know that there are some who have battled this course and came out alive. I got a place I could share my feelings; I could vent about what happened, but at the end, I could get advice as well.

Family and friends
Most people tend to close themselves away from family and friends during hard times, but in times like these, I have learned to be vulnerable to the people that love me. Of course, not all will be there for me, but in most cases, I have had someone to lean on when I needed one during the desperate moments.

Before inviting friends and family, I locked myself in my house for days crying my eyes out. But I am grateful for the fact that one day I picked up the phone and called a few people who turned out to be very supportive.

How To Stay On Good Terms With Your Ex

Most relationships whether dating or marriage end in bitterness or heartache especially when one party is caught cheating. This has pushed people into an unforgiving and hating position that at times they do not want to be in, but do not know how keep themselves away from. The person you once loved becomes the person you hate the most. The worst is, history cannot be undone as beds have been shared, and resources spent. Some have even gone to the extent of living under one roof. The biggest challenge is not how to move on after a breakup, but how to retain the friendship after one.

No need to trash talk
Common with most break ups is the tendency to talk ill about one another, yet there are good times spent together. Some people are of the school of thought that speaking about the relationship is healthy for healing, which is true. The problem comes in when now it ceases to be speaking about the relationship and it becomes speaking ill about the person. As a sense of justification, people tend to try and put down their exes thinking it will breed satisfaction. This satisfaction is usually very temporal. When breaking up a relationship, I say we will remain friends, and if I truly mean it, I will avoid talking bad about the person.

Respect for space and decisions
By the time a break up comes through, most people will have decided long ago to move on. When the time comes that such a revelation is brought to light, it is important to respect what the other person has decided. My ex may do things I do not agree with, but I allow them their way, regardless. I am not in a position to start dictating to them what they can or cannot do; my best option is to show respect because that is what I would want done to me.

Ensure the motives of being friends is right
Handling a situation where people have shared emotions is not easy, worse is if the two have taken separate ways. I usually leave the door for friendship open, not to reignite the passion once more but just to be friends with the person for who they are. Being friends with them to try and win their heart back usually just ends up in more pain. If I am doing this, I am denying myself the opportunity to move on because my ex will find a way to do so.

You don’t have to live in hatred with your ex. I have shared these tips to help those who may be having a life of abhorrence with their former lovers.