Making The Most Of A New Life

Like it or not, for better or for worse, your life has changed. It may not of been of your choosing or perhaps it was but one thing’s for sure, your future is about to change. There is no reason this has to be a bad thing. In fact, it can be a great thing! A clean slate, a fresh start! You’re going to be able to meet new people and explore new ideas. Almost always, divorces create economic strife. The legal fees, the court imposed settlements, they all tend to drain bank accounts. You’re going to need to concentrate harder than ever to rallying your business activities and up your game in the earnings department if you’re going to get through it.

There are plenty of new opportunities for you to consider when it comes to supplementing your income. Some of them can also be fun and you are going to have some extra time to explore them. Fine tuning your social media skills is one point of departure that can conceivably help both your personal life and your business visibility. You can start by looking at what others have done in these forums. Think about how you’d like to be described in your profile. Think about all the things that are important to you and consider elaborating on them.

Almost every week, there are activities that take place in your community that you may have never considered participating in. They’re generally found listed in the local paper and on the various regional Internet billboards like Craigslist. You may have had a hobby before your marriage that got put on hold when you became married. It might be time to revisit that hobby that provided you with joy in the past and can do so again. It is quite remarkable just how technology has advanced so rapidly in the last few years. If you haven’t been staying right on top of it, you may discover some very exciting things that are worthy of your exploration.

Because you’re not encumbered with a wife anymore, you are allowed to start dating again. Depending on your particular circumstances, that can be a very consuming activity. Needless to say, making a rapid commitment right away is probably not a good idea. You should never be in a hurry to potentially make a mistake. If you’ve never kept a diary before, it may be a good time to start. Part of the reason is that it will help you keep the passage of time recorded and that will further help you keep things in perspective as the days, weeks and months pass. Keeping an account of your activities and describing their meaning to you can really help you sort things out when the time comes for you to reflect on your progress at this special time in your life. Whenever possible, you should make an effort to create a savings account and start putting away as much money as you can afford. Even a small amount is better than nothing! You are now responsible for yourself and you have to take good care if you are going to get through this time in good shape.

Do Singles Need Life Insurance?

Life insurance comes in all kinds of flavors. Some of them are perfect for when you’re married and have children. They can be had for a variety of price points and serve to protect your family from a sudden and unexpected death. Divorce changes things. Now, you are going to have to look at a life insurance policy in a different way. It needs to be considered for it’s value as an instrument of investment.

Taking Care of Your Children
The cheap life insurance is something you pay for and get virtually nothing out of it unless you die, then, you don’t really get anything personally out of that, do you? The beneficiaries on your policy are the significant consideration here, and if it is your children it can be a very worthwhile consideration. You may have had an ugly, contested divorce and hate your ex, but you  love your children and don’t want to take it out on them. Making them the beneficiaries of a life insurance policy on you would be a real plus here because it will reinforce them knowing that you care about them.

As An Investment Strategy
The notion that using life insurance as an investment strategy would be specious. The life insurance company has to make some money off of it and that starts with big commission they pay to the agent who sells you the policy! Thus, if you don’t have children or anyone else to consider, you might want to take the monies you might otherwise spend on life insurance premiums, and put it into a different investment strategy. Keep in mind that you are seeking to grow your money in a secure fashion that is going to build up an account that would be competitive with what you might accrue with a whole life insurance policy.

That could mean investing in the stock market . . . which has been a roller coaster ride in the past few years. It could be hedging your bet by having some precious metals in your portfolio but beware! If you keep them on hand they can be stolen. If you bank them with the metal exchange they can go out of business and you lose it all.

Finally, there are forms of life insurance that lie outside the normal types, they more closely resemble the form factor of an annuity. These can consist of a one-time payment that buys you a big payout (or at least your beneficiaries) when you pass away. Considering how much cash you have on hand, this could be a good way to protect your loved ones and get back to work making money. By now, you know you’re going to need plenty of it!

The Success of My Marriage

Anyone who has ever married knows the importance of financial stability. I agree that love surpasses all factors, but finances play an important role in a relationship. A lot of people neglect this issue only to realize that they should have discussed it early even before deciding to settle. It is true that the future is uncertain, but that is not a license to live a life that is free falling. Below are a few things that have helped my partner and I be stable financially from the time we decided to get into marriage.

Giving should be a priority
This is often ignored but it is the best way to keep rule over money. A lot of people think that the more you keep and hoard things the richer you become. The principle of life is, you reap what you give. We learned this in our marriage early enough after observing what a few rich people did.

We realized that among their priorities is giving, not just giving people jobs, but donating to charity organizations, sponsoring orphans and so on. We started by giving to our local church, and then we moved to the nearby orphanage. The most pleasant part is that the more we have been giving, the more opportunities to make money we have come across.

Spending should be managed well
In as much as we are givers, this does not mean that we spend carelessly. We are all aware of budgeting and planning, this is a means by which we have come to realize how to spend and be accountable for what we spend. The problem of having money without a plan is that it can be placed anywhere. This is a dangerous position to find yourself in with money. A plan for my finances tells us where we are heading in terms of spending our money.

I prefer spending time with my partner planning, sometimes even for hours depending on the project, than to spend time accusing each other of spending badly. A pen and paper budget still works great; technology has brought us software that has helped us plan our finances. We do not  have an excuse to be bad spenders.

Alternative source of income should be looked into
If the first two principles are handled right, it becomes easier to invest. Financial stability in marriage is not just about giving and spending. When we spent well the extra penny that remained, we saved and soon enough it was clear for us that we needed to invest.

When the kids came, more responsibilities arose and had we not invested wisely, we would be struggling to meet the very basic things our kids need. Do not get me wrong, we do treat ourselves from time to time, but we ensure that our investment ambitions continue. A wise investment plan has given us some space in our budget.

Saving for emergencies should be upheld
Taking insurance is not a bad idea since we never know when sickness will come. Besides, whenever we budget, we ensure that a certain percentage of our monthly income goes to special savings for emergencies such as accidents and funerals. We decided way back that we will avoid being caught off guard by circumstances. Set some money aside for any unplanned thing that may happen to you.
Being good stewards of finances is a thing that we are still learning and there are many other ways of ensuring stability. The earlier you start the better, do not wait for the perfect time because money will never get you there. Learn to manage the little you have, as this is a principle we have applied in our marriage and it has worked pretty well.

What I Learned From My Failed Marriage

When a beautiful rose stops giving scent, it becomes subject to being trampled upon and crushed under the feet. That is exactly what a failed marriage is. Marriage is designed to bring two different people under one roof for great moments for a lifetime, but this is not the case, as a good number have ended in a divorce. And, mine was not exceptional. From our honeymoon, we were the love birds that no one could separate, but a time came when we did not want to even look at each other. Though my marriage failed, it was not all lost as I gathered a few lessons to go on with in life.

Sexual intimacy should not be compromised
The truth is, on my side, I needed sex regularly and on a higher frequency than my spouse preferred. This prompted me to go out there and look for alternative ways of satisfaction. Soon enough, I ended up starting to stay out longer than I should, and this did not go well with my spouse. This prompted her to stalk me until she caught me having an affair.

Our relationship never recovered to what it used to be. The fact is our marriage broke up due to lack of sexual intimacy. We could have talked about it, but we both thought preferring it in different ways was ok. I learned that issues to deal with sexual intimacy should be sorted out as early as possible to avoid disaster in the future.

Even if this did not happen early in our marriage, we would still have had problems because the older we grow, the less sex we desire, especially for women. So, if this is not handled early enough, it will be the dividing factor in the marriage.

Know the other person
Emotions can be very deceptive and that is why I always advice against making decisions emotionally. In the early stages of the marriage, you will be drawn to each other due to chemical reactions that the body produces. This should not be the reason why you get into a marriage.

I did not take time to study things and learn my spouse enough, and this manifested after we had gotten married. Take time and know the other person; know what they like and they do not like as well as their family, among other things. Get to know the person you are meant to spend the rest of your life with very well.

Know yourself first
The worst thing I did was that I took time to learn my spouse (which I also did not do well), yet I did not know myself. I got married at 21 without knowing clearly who I was at that time. I was clouded by the idea of marriage so much that I forgot to know the things that really mattered to me. I advise against making decisions without knowing what you are offering. I should have taken time and known what exactly I was offering my wife at that time.

The Struggles of Dating In This Decade

Every generation has its struggles when it comes to dating and relationships. In the past, things like cheating were a big issue and that could cause division among lovers. Cheating may still be an issue now, but there seems to be more struggles with this generation than the generations before. People work longer, yet also study at the same time. Such things are making dating harder for people living in the current world. Here are a few insights I have learned over the past few years regarding the struggles of dating.

A lot on the plate
The previous generations were not as money oriented as this one. The current generation seems to have more to do, meaning more to balance. Our nature to want more makes us always choose more from the options we are provided with. We are dreaming big to leave a legacy behind and be counted as heroes and legends.

While the other generations were not so soaked in being rich and famous, this seems to be the way in our day and time. When relationships come, they demand time and commitment, which becomes a problem for our careers and ambitions as it will mean we spend less time chasing our dreams. The hardest part is, in the past it was mainly the men chasing dreams, but in this generation, both are.

Sex has taken center stage
The famous one-night stand concept has become more rampant in this generation than in any other. The common trend is that, in dating there has to be sex. Sex has become the whole point of dating and people are no longer interested in long lasting relationships. I will date as long as I get sexual satisfactions, if I cannot get it, I move on to the next relationship. This is a trend that is even carried into marriage. This fact has bred another problem where people fear relationships just because they do not know if the other person will stay faithful.

People are dating, but there is no real commitment in it. Diseases are being spread rampantly as people get into relationships without taking time to know if the other party is clean. As long as there is sex, there is little care in the world. The truth is condoms and other preventive measure have failed, yet people still take the risk just to have sex.

The etiquette of dating is lost
The previous generations had it great; go for a walk, buy her flowers, take her back home and that is it. This current generation seems to have lost the value of things such as flowers and chocolate. The girl I am dating seems to like flowers, but in this generation, when was the last time I saw someone carry flowers to a lady?

The thrill of going for a movie or something of the sort is lost as a woman is taken on such a date even before she enters the teenage years. When I come along, she requires me to take her to the moon. Dating seems to be more of a mind-minded affair and sex oriented than nurturing a relationship. For someone divorced and broke like me, I find it difficult to engage in dating because I may not have the finances. Surely, today’s dating experiences seem to have lost direction and juice when compared to previous generations.

Things I Wish I Did When Married

Most people enter into marriage with the option of getting a divorce; this door is always left open as an emergency fire exit in case things get too hot. What most people lack is knowledge that divorce is not always the solution. And, the solution in most cases, comes when you’re still married. I did a number of things in my marriage that lead us to divorce, but now that I can see things clearly, there are areas I feel I could have done better to give it an opportunity to blossom.

Communication with my spouse
Most relationships fail due to lack of communication. Assuming that the other person will understand the actions taken usually does not end up well. On my side, the default action and reaction to most situations was to go silent. Yes, there are times when silence will be important as it could be better not to say what may hurt the other person, but if this is done repeatedly for a long time, it may show lack of interest in solving issues such as in my case.

The worst part is that I suppressed the feelings for a long time that they needed a channel to get out. I started looking for other ways to relieve myself, being drawn to abnormal sexual desires yet still married to my spouse. Communication is one area I know I could have done better.

Serving my spouse
The other problem with most marriages is that everyone wants to be served and no one is interested in the needs of the other person. It is not bad to be served, but this, if not reciprocated, can have some detrimental outcomes. It grew to a point where I had been served for a long time that I thought it was my right to get such services. I expected my clothes to be washed, food to be on the table, and so on.

The worst is that, even when my spouse was out working and I was in the house, I still expected such services. Now I understand that serving my spouse is not entirely to their benefit, but to mine as well. If my spouse is happy, I am happy too. Besides, the few times I served my spouse, I realized that this increased our love. My spouse seemed more eager to serve me during the moments that I served her.

My Thoughts On The American Divorce Rate

The generations before us valued marriage above all things, putting the children’s interests above their own. In our times, the capitalistic mind has crept into relationships to an extent that a simple thing can lead to a divorce. Statistics about divorce can be scary, but there is always a silver lining when such dark clouds appear. There are a number of factors that must be put to play before making a judgment on the rate of divorce.

A few statistics on divorce
Roughly, 70 percent of marriages that began in the 90s lived to see their fifteenth anniversary, while those married in the 70s and 80s had a 65 percent rate of making it to their 15th anniversary. This shows that marriages back then had a higher chance of divorce. For couples who wed in the new millennium, the rate has gone lower placed at around 50 percent.

Marriage in the modern era has been hugely influenced by the feminist movement in the 70s. As women gained more power to go to work and make money, marriage was now based on love, income and shared responsibilities.

More people are marrying late in life and this is resulting in more mature marriages. Those who marry between the ages of 20 and 24 have a higher tendency of divorcing than those who marry later. They are almost two times likely to get a divorce compared to those who get married between the ages of 25-29.

What causes divorce in America
Age seems to be a major player in decision making; those above 25 years seem to be better at making decisions regarding relationships more than those younger. Financial status also seems to be a common cause of the trend. If one spouse appears to bring less to the table, the other may opt out. The environment also determines when a marriage can end, Nevada has the highest rates possible because of the night life that is vibrant in that area.

Based on my experience, I think communication can be the magic wand to most of these issues. Always finding solutions as a couple can help reduce the rate of divorce. Before getting into marriage, issues such as finances should clearly be addressed with the projection of future hard times for one or both spouses. Communication is the spice that spouses need to make it through marriage.

While the figures depicting the rate of divorce may be impressive, there are certainly ways marriage partners can protect their marriages. I tend to believe that if couples are able to discuss issues in time, accept mistakes, live to correct their misdoings, and allocate sufficient time for themselves to show intimacy, things can work out pretty well.